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Homo Sonofabitchicus
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Homo Sonofabitchicus Homo Sonofabitchicus by Bill Somewhere in the neighborhood of two hundred thousand years the species we call homo sapiens appeared in Africa. There may have been some detours and false starts along the way. Detours being what they are- poorly marked, lacking a proper road surface, often being routed through “questionable” parts of town- some of, maybe most of, those detours may have ended badly. Homo sapiens numero uno, let’s call him, might have lost his way, especially if he ended up in Indiana, where route markers are routinely posted two or three blocks AFTER you were supposed to have turned left. Suddenly homo s. numero uno would have found himself on Western Avenue leaving South Bend on Devil’s Night and in the midst of a “bonfire” as the locals refer to them but are actually conflagrations of biblical proportions. Suddenly realizing that he had missed Boston (In the words of John Collins Bossidy: “And this is good old Boston, The home of the bean and the cod, Where the Lowells talk only to Cabots, And the Cabots talk only to God”) and passed New York City (not entirely a bad thing) he nonetheless would have been nervous at being the odd man out, surrounded by hostile natives speaking a strange tongue wherein the name Peru is pronounced Pee roo and Lafayette is rendered as Laffy et. The inhabitants, known as homo hoosierensis were themselves one of those evolutionary tangents that led not to homo sapiens but were on a direct line leading from opossums to electricians and eventually to Lithuanians. It is likely that this encounter led to the demise of homo sapiens numero uno. At the very least he’d have lost his gas money in a stickup or a crap game and been stuck there, his line merging involuntarily with hoosierensis and being diluted by the the locally prevailing recessive genes. Thus endeth the first part. And so we see that detours and dead ends often amount to the same thing, until random chance and even more random mutation produced a specimen with a better sense of direction as well as the wisdom to stay home on Devil’s Night and carry his own loaded dice. Eventually a successful modern homo sapiens emerged and had enough luck clicking with the opposite sex to procreate and we, modern man, were off and running- from lions, leopards, cape buffalo and often from one another. Modern science has more or less decided that in spite of diversity among homo sapiens to the eye of other homo sapiens, we are for all purposes identical to one another. It is no longer in vogue to consider that there are races of mankind, the similarities far outweighing superficial differences which are explained by such influences as how near the equator we may or may not live, as well as subtle differences in appearance that are not important to the lions or leopards chasing us, but are more like family traits that are passed from parent to quite recently in our history and in no way make any of us inedible or at all unpalatable, except to each other. And here we are approaching the nut of the issue at hand. We homo sapiens are culturally quite tribal and quite competitive. We are quick to anger and fight and are equally at ease loving and fucking. We compete like bantam roosters for territory and tail within our tribe and yet when that tribe is perceived to be threatened we defend it as fiercely as a grizzly sow defends her cubs. Sometimes, when pondering how contentious we can be, it seems a miracle we can agree on enough details to get us in the sack and down to the business of copulating, but we manage it over and over again, and over and over and over. Well, some of us do, smart ones and dumb ones alike. It seems at times as if we are different species altogether. We could name them- homo belligerensis, homo methodicus, homo metrosexualis, homo pretentious. It is homo pretentious who concerns us here, and a close relative of his, homo sapiosexualis. These are of course only apparently sub species of homo sapiens, but think a moment that we have named ourselves homo sapiens, sapiens coming from the latin “wise”. We don’t lack for confidence, do we? We’ve taken the “love yourself” memes seriously. It would appear that we judge as wise a beast who soils his nest and practices gluttony on such a scale that he has decimated the other creatures inhabiting the planet to the point of extinction and beyond despite professing pure joy that such diversity exists. Maybe we’re getting a little carried away with this wisdom business. There is plenty of evidence that homo sapiens is none too sapient. For example, one commonly hears the statement, usually from an exhibition of homo pretentious, that “I don’t suffer fools gladly.” I don’t wonder at that. Clearly a fool doesn’t care for competition any more than the rest of us, although he wades in swinging. Turns him right into homo belligerensis. Homo pretentious is so confident in his own wisdom and superiority that he can aspire to associate only with his own kind, and does us all one better by turning up his nose at us run of the mill homo sapiens sapiens and restricts his reproductive efforts to the far superior homo sapiens sapiosexualis without so much as a “Fuck you”. This strikes some of us…OK, it strikes ME, as being somewhat arrogant. It’s to be expected from a species that calls itself sapiens, but do we know when to shut up? The kind of condescension and pomposity required to pull this off with a straight face is staggering, but homo pretentious can manage it without mussing his pre-mussed and moussed hair or breaking a metrosexual nail. Is a kind heart and a generous and cooperative nature good for nothing? I reckon it is- it’s good for a laugh from homo sapiosexualis. And we know what mockery accomplishes, don’t we? Think on what Mark Twain has told us about the comparison between good nature and brains: “There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.” I’m hoping that the same can be done for sapiosexual. It’s ridiculous on the face of it. As the only criterion for arousal it’s pretty sadly lacking. Homo sapiens came up with a number of cultural innovations like soap, which when applied liberally with water will wash away the accumulated odor of toiling for our daily bread, and perfumes, which will cover it up, but neither one will remove or cover the stink of arrogance and elitism. Many of us are attracted to intelligence but in the absence of any other fine qualities you’re gonna end up blowing Donald Rumsfeld or Henry Kissinger. Within our tribes we seem to have a need to separate ourselves from the common herd, so we sometimes invent a word to set us apart as unique. “I’m an artist. My creative talents may make me an insufferable ass, but it’s the kind of sacrifice that you must make to be regaled with my art. The kind of art you’re probably too stupid to understand and too cheap to buy.” What the hell are the rest of us? Homo dumbfuck? Probably I’m an old curmudgeon. When words like metrosexual and sapiosexual are coined, I groan. I’ve seen this shit before, and I remember that there is no new thing under the sun. Each generation comes along and convinces itself that it invented fucking. Nobody ever fucked before, not the way they fuck, with style and panache. Then they read a garbled and incomprehensible book by Ayn Rand and decide that they’re the first to truly understand that gibberish and need a new word to describe their infatuation with the fatuous, and they become sapiosexual, and fantasize about being anally pounded by Alan Greenspan. Well I hate to break it to them, but we’ve all been there and done that. To quote Lewis Black: -of-a-bitch! Become a member now and get a free tote bag. |
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nice...
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OK I’ve finally finished reading your dissertation through my tears. It is wholly misguided – yet genius, beyond understandable – yet clear, ramblin and bumbling – yet concise. I was laughing my ass off (lmao) so hard I eventually shit my pants (smp). I continued to read whilst having my ribs bandaged and still wondering – what the fuck was he smokin? When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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nice... Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Thank you sweetheart. I'm not any too sure about the wisdom, but I like to laugh, and sapiosexual makes me laugh.  Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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OK I’ve finally finished reading your dissertation through my tears. It is wholly misguided – yet genius, beyond understandable – yet clear, ramblin and bumbling – yet concise. I was laughing my ass off (lmao) so hard I eventually shit my pants (smp). I continued to read whilst having my ribs bandaged and still wondering – what the fuck was he smokin? Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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So I made you cry the way Greenspan made ME cry. Save me from the fucking intelligentsia! It seems that the really smart ones don't mind fucking us at all. But they don't kiss and tell. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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We have heard this shite before and yet... Sapiosexual is better than some of the other crap we had before. Let us prostrate ourselves on the altar of the I am dictionary. Kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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Ugh. Urban dictionary. The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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I did like your take on the term sapiosexual. It made me think about pretension. I have written about it before. Quoting Mark Twain and Lewis Black in the same blog post...loved it.  I have not written my contribution yet. I have some ideas. I hope inspiration hits me soon. LOLBecome a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Well I'm kissin and tellin it was you.and Kissinger in the hallway with a goat Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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We have heard this shite before and yet... Sapiosexual is better than some of the other crap we had before. Let us prostrate ourselves on the altar of the I am dictionary. Kk Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Ugh. Urban dictionary. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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 Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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It is indicative to me of our endless fascination with ourselves to the point of inventing new terms to express "I'm OK, You're OK." Some of us are clearly not OK. So we need a six syllable word of pseudo latin derivation to say we won't fuck dumb people. I cringe when I see sapiosexual employed- it should be in an unemployment line. In Mississippi. Three days shy of qualifying for benefits. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Your originality in making a point, any of them, is unsurpassable and so unique!!!! Hmmm........I'm aroused by it......what does that make me??????     WITHOUT PASSION LIFE IS NOTHING
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I can honestly say I've never fantasized about being anally pounded by Alan Greenspan. Or indeed any Chairman of the Federal Reserve, living or dead Does that make me SapioAsexual 
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For some odd reason, I read this in my head with the voice of Carl Sagan... Great job!
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Your post is both humorous and enlightening. It highlights how cavalier people are about attaching labels to themselves and others.
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A great read KZ.. Who said you can't learn something on here.. hugss V Very good post by the way! loved it.. Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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Your originality in making a point, any of them, is unsurpassable and so unique!!!! Hmmm........I'm aroused by it......what does that make me?????? Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Maybe hate is too stout a word for it- I'm kind of  about it. It was a cute neologism that went viral. Enough already! I want to get back to watching kitten videos on YooooToooob.Sure intelligence is attractive to some of us but let's acknowledge that there might be a couple of other factors involved in attraction. I'm a mean old man. I like making fun of children. They often return the favor. Wanna meet for "coffee"?  Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I can honestly say I've never fantasized about being anally pounded by Alan Greenspan. Or indeed any Chairman of the Federal Reserve, living or dead Does that make me SapioAsexual Yeah, sure, that's what they all say. You might not be a sapiosexual. You might just be smart. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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An excellent critique of the sapiosexual term. I'm also pleased that someone else think Ayn Rand's book is a crock of shite! Someone has to blow Donald Rumsfeld and someone has to be pounded by Alan Greenspan. All I can say is that they have tiny dicks; I hardly felt a thing!
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For some odd reason, I read this in my head with the voice of Carl Sagan... Great job! Thanks! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Your post is both humorous and enlightening. It highlights how cavalier people are about attaching labels to themselves and others. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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A great read KZ.. Who said you can't learn something on here.. hugss V Very good post by the way! loved it.. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Now I've gotcha where I want ya! I'm comin' in to get you! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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We do seem to need those labels, and sometimes they're actually useful, but the compulsively neat among us have way too many cubbyholes. Chaos confuses them and offends them but often their neatness bleeds over into my chaos, and it offends me. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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An excellent critique of the sapiosexual term. I'm also pleased that someone else think Ayn Rand's book is a crock of shite! Someone has to blow Donald Rumsfeld and someone has to be pounded by Alan Greenspan. All I can say is that they have tiny dicks; I hardly felt a thing! Now that's some HOT pillow talk! What fucking planet was she from? She wore a trashcan on her head and used a cigarette holder, ferchrissakes! But that was just petty, making fun of the way she looked. All you have to do to discredit her is recommend her indecipherable books. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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You've hit the nail square on its head. Thoughts from the Garden...
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One fresh load of cream coming right up! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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You've hit the nail square on its head. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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This is by far the silliest, the funniest and the goofiest post you've ever written, my dear friend. Thank you!!!!!!  Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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This is by far the silliest, the funniest and the goofiest post you've ever written, my dear friend. Thank you!!!!!! Thank you Pet. I treasure your friendship. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Write on! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Awwwwwww  Why does everybody gotta pick on Alan Greenspan? Am I missing some ....... point?Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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It's not Irish. Italians make the sweetest cream, you know... Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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The manufacture or Reese"s Peanut Butter Cups is one of the finest cultural and culinary achievements of modern man. It's nearly enough to forgive all of the pollution and misery heaped upon this poor abused planet. The possession of these gastronomical jewels can relieve the angst of adolescence and their consumption can ease the anxiety of loneliness and desperation in all but the most damaged souls among us. I like to nibble away the bottom of the cups and lick the peanut butter out of the cavity.  Heath Bars are a damned good thing too. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Si j'ai bien compris le numéro Un à traversé l'Amérique et vous a tous converti à l'étiquetage  If I understood the number Uno to cross America and all of you converted labeling 
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I don't think all of us converted by any means. There are resistance movements, but they get shouted down. You know how Americans are about religion. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Personally I don't understand it. To be turned on solely by intelligence. I've known some pretty intelligent people who are stupid when it comes to common sense. Or they believe they are better than all the rest of us. I think it is a load of horse shit. So yes, we agree on something B. I thought we always agreed though, so I am not really sure what you were hinting at. I think the original intent of that neologism was quite narrow and very specific. Gender and appearance were unimportant- the man who invented the word was aroused by intelligence- his opinion of intelligence- irregardless of gender or any other factors, and didn't input any other attractants. But- the mob got hold of it and wanted to shout "Me too! Me too!" before really understanding what it meant. And they fucked it up. So, yeah, horseshit. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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It's a circle. Except that it could be a circus.
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It's a circle. Except that it could be a circus. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Well Bill I used to think I was a sapiosexual, then I changed my mind once I understood what that word meant. I really love women, and get turned on by women of all sizes, and races. When I see a chunky women with green eyes all the blood drain from my head covered with hair and congregate in my foreskin covered bald head and stays there until it is pumped back up. Viagra has nothing over them. Truth be told, I don't even care even if she has as any IQ at all for monkey sex, I prefer one who is as dumb as a door knob. Now that I know that I am really still a cave man, the missing link that scientist have been searching for, an yet unclassified sub species that I call Hetroerectus.( an ape with no homosexual desires but gets an erection at the sight and sound of a woman(any woman), who has more language skill than a homoerectus, but less than the wise ones, the sapiens). Since I am somewhat sensual would the term Hetroeroticus/ hetrosensualis be better term to use when I update my profile?. Hetroeroticus searching for hetro sensualis, bisensualis a huge plus? Scientists have been looking for the missing link in Africa ans Siberia. They should have been looking in Asia, specifically in the Indian sub continent. Had they read Marco Polo's journal they would have found a totally different culture there. They would have learned that Monogamy, inequality, slavery, Odepous complex, ownership of property, women and beast, soul mate paradigm were all imported to India by Mugals and British. According to Polo"when a woman's husband leaves her to go on a journey of more than 20 days, as soon as he has left, she takes another husband, and this she is fully entitled to do by local usage. And the men, wherever they go, take wives in the same way." This explains why India is fucked up now. Modern Indian men have to be so much more to get a piece of tail than our ancestors. I guess Indians motto was "make love not war". The Mongolian men on the other hand loved hunting both humans and beasts. They also developed an ingenious way to survive.What impressed Marco polo most was the way in which the women got on with the lion's share of the workquot;the men do not bother themselves about anything but hunting and warfare and falconry." In term of marriage, Marco described that the Mongols practiced polygamy. A Mongol man could take as many wives as he liked. On the death of the head of the house the eldest son married his father's wives, but not his own mother. A man could also take on his brother's wives if they were widowed. Marco rounded off his account of Mongol's home life by mentioning that alcoholic standby "They drink mare's milk subjected to a process that makes it like white wine and very good to drink. It is called koumiss" Hmm letting women do most of the chores, hunt/fight and get drunk, sounds a lot like modern day Russians and to some extent us Americans. "Rules for happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.”― Immanuel Kant .
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Hetroeroticus and hetrosensualis...good names!  The way I see it, anthropology has the links- what's missing is the chain. It's an endlessly fascinating pursuit, trying to figure out who and what we are. I'm intrigued by all the false starts that surely were made, all the detours and dead ends. We must have a hell of a lot of extinct cousins. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Thank you Calypso! The laughter is temporary, the confusion I'm afraid is permanent. But if you look at man's fixation with his own wisdom and superiority, you just start giggling all over again. We don't know shit, but that doesn't keep us from labeling it and organizing it. tough shit funny shit good shit great shit fucked up shit crazy shit And so it goes.... Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Ha! I never saw that coming! Thank you sweetheart! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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We seem to have found our modern-day Mencken! (See his various mentions of Boobus Americanus, the genus which is in keen competition with homo sonofabitchicus for essential resources such as elbow room and the better sipping rums.) We agree that intelligence is not the only criterium for sexual attraction. That said, as the best of satire does, you've gone to the absurd extreme to make a point somewhere in the middle: namely that pretension, and the overt need to lick a cerebrum or two, isn't very attractive at all. But... is there no room, amid all the sweet souls one might couple with, for allowing one's passion to rise as the result of a well-phrased quip, a keen insight, the untangling of a particularly knotty Gordian? Are those who celebrate wisdom quietly destined to wander in a sexual desert for 40 years, a fate destined to result in inbreeding, if not downright extinction? And speaking of mongoloidism, if it is such an objectionable condition, how did they manage to create such delicious beef? Let there be all kinds. And you yourself have proven your own appreciation for intelligence through your quoting of Mark Twain over a considerably lesser luminary such as -- to choose a name purely at random -- P.G. Wodehouse, for example. Finally, I would suggest that if Darwin's theories are to be embraced we need to determine the role of your own particular mutation: that of homo illegitimus ridiculam, Funny as hell, and a definite puncturing of pretense! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Celebrating wisdom is one thing. Humping it like a bitch in heat is another. If you put all of the people who worship their own brilliance in one room they could start publishing a magazine, but we already have The National Review. Just how many onanist forums does one nation need? I can't answer for the Mongolismians, but I wouldn't be surprised to learn that the secret to mongolish cuisine is human DNA. They have to do something with the polo ball after the game. Your attempt to revive the Twain vs. Wodehouse debate will fail. I have already conceded that you are correct. I don't see that introducing Doris Lesser into the mix adds anything at all. She and Wodehouse were indeed both British subjects and shared the distinction of being born to gentry in the foreign service but Wodehouse confined his efforts to comedy and Lesser to more serious pursuits- never the Twain shall meet. I'm not denying that she could tell a joke at need but to do it day after day without breaking a sweat calls for a tongue placed firmly in cheek and kept there. My own lineage is an open book. I'm descended from a thief and I proved it with this post. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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too looooooooooong
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too looooooooooong Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading this! It's a pain to read it on a phone but this was well worth it.
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading this! It's a pain to read it on a phone but this was well worth it. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Ah, humor...can't beat it. I got a belly laugh when ya' nailed Ayn Rand. Seems I have always been the minority with my dislike of her books, and the folks who want to base their world views on poorly written novels. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I-l-i am not sure electric and ejaculate are a good combination, k...lol...don't let's do that maybe. But part of the problem is many schools have them on their required reading lists. And the teacher-priest-authority has never lived a day in the real. Armed with just a vague and stagnant theory that stifles any learning outside of their parameters. The song "Kodachrome" just loops through my head when I think about them. I think assigning Rand is not entirely a bad thing. Students should learn critical thinking and a bad example like Rand serves well for that. And in a writing class, Ayn Rand is a good "what not to do" text. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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That's what SHE said. /:> Just couldn't leave on such a serious note, boss. Sorry  My fault- I get worked up ranting about Rand.Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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